In my reflections, if a bona fide member of the academy comments that my reflection contains either an original thought or argument, I will note it in that reflection. Also, if it is brought to my attention that what I have said is also mentioned in another source, I will also note it. My intention in these reflections is to stimulate inquiry, imagination, and broadening of horizons.- JP
Note: The most recent reflection is at the top and my first is at the bottom. You can either start at the bottom of the well and swim up or start at the top and dive in, your choice. – JP
Not Sorry! 04/06/2025
No, this is not a Reeses’ ad. In the time from my last reflection, I have been trying to find a thread for all that is going on in the world and it has not been an easy time. So rather than write what could be considered a fluff piece reflection, I have been listening and considering what to say and how to say it. In a casual conversation I found the thread. The subject was how to converse with a person who sees life completely differently than you do. The person I was listening to said, “I’m sorry, but …” and that response crystalized the thread for me.
Whether we are talking in the abstract or concrete, no matter the object of the conversation, the ‘ I’m sorry, but …’ belies a condition which has subtly taken over our ability to be accountable for ourselves. This may seem a harsh perspective, but consider what those three words say about our attitudes and self evaluation. And that is the reason so much time has elapsed since my last reflection. Owning my attitudes and self evaluation is a deep dive. The dive encompasses everything from hearing from sources I had not considered before to ultimately learning how to authentically look in a mirror. All this gets me back to why those three words are destructive to our being.
When you say I’m sorry, do you really mean it? When you say I’m sorry, but …, my response is, If you’re sorry, why won’t you own it? If you are truly sorry, leave the but out. If you are truly sorry, try this. “I am sorry you feel this way, please help me to understand why you feel this way. ‘ I’m sorry, but …’ dimness and trivializes anything that follows.
We can only live as intended with one another when we do not dimness, trivialize and disregard the dignity of with whom we are communicating.
There is nothing wrong with being sorry. It is harmful to you when you don’t own it. So leave the but out and eventually you will find more fulfilling ways to communicate. I know that it won’t be easy, I speak from experience. I also know that when it really gets to you, a peanut butter and chocolate cup may not make it all better, but it sure tastes good.